I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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