What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
