She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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