My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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