Ketchup is God's man juice
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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