I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
