Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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