Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
