Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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