i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
