Sponge bath it is.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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