Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
