But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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