Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
