you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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