I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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