so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
