So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
