i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
