I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
