I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
