As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
