I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
