I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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