What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We are two peas in an std pod
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So apparently I’m into choking now
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