So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
