Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
