Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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