Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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