SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
