His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
