Someone shit on the floor
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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