but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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