I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
