I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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