Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
