Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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