The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
