he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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