The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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