just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
