Kareoke will never be a sober sport
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
