We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
