My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
