His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
