Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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