Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
