So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
