Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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