so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
