I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
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Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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