i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
