I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
