The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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