oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it's like iHOP with fire
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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