Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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