Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
