Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can I color on your dick again?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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