Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
