I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
