Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
that is very illegal...i love you.
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