Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Drake has all the answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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