What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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