shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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