Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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