I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
