I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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