Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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