Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I touched a dick in church today
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
