Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
