k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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