And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
