I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
