Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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