direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
