We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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