And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
